Watching my kids go through the journey that is pregnancy, I
wonder to myself - How did I not see this before?
In previous eras pregnant women had protected status as a
result of their delicate condition, and were coddled through their miseries
(unless of course you were a peasant and spent sun-up to sun-down in the field) by
a flock of women who hovered over and cared for you. By the time I was pregnant in the 80's women had recently won many victories in equality and pregnancy was the last
frontier. The prevailing attitude to
pregnancy was to suck it up and not whine.
Instead of demanding consideration of what we were living through over
and above what men live through, we set about proving our equal worth. In
retrospect I think we were wrong in this.
Actually, it is an illness
About the same time, some brighto decided that pregnancy
needed to be de-medicalized because it was natural. No longer having the
excuse of being ‘ill’, women were expected to step up, suck it up, and carry
on. What absolute nonsense. If a man walked into emergency with even half of the
symptoms of pregnancy he’d be hospitalized for a serious disease. And so,
pregnancy lost its special status and became just another unsupported ring of
fire for women to jump through along with menstruation, child birth, and
menopause.
Until recently. Lately
I’ve run across a number of posts and essays suggesting in bold print that
pregnancy is not all it’s cracked up to be.
And that it frankly sucks. Certainly this isn’t news but up to now dogma regarding how women are supposed to feel about being pregnant has
constrained any blasphemy suggesting that many young women today do not feel
thrilled/blessed/radiant/wonder-struck about taking on the job. And while
logically pregnancy is the result of a conscious decision to embrace the trials
of pregnancy in the spirit of self-sacrifice, it rarely is.
It may be that there
are two issues. Dealing with pregnancy is hard enough, but being expected to go
to work, run large homes in which they continue to do the majority of cooking
and cleaning, often in the absence of family and neighborhood support systems, while raising other children WHILE PREGNANT is perhaps beyond reasonable
expectation. And yes, modern man
should/would/could be a partner in pregnancy, but in reality his contribution
ranges from Superman to No Man.
In this modern day we’re used to being in
control of our lives, so it is a bit of a shock to realize that our much
anticipated little embryo is a parasite.
While we’d like to think of pregnancy as a cooperative venture between
mother and fetus, it’s actually more of a hostile take-over. Without our permission or knowledge the
embryo directs a massive renovation and revamping of the mother’s body. Every
morsel of food, vitamin, and mineral ingested will be primarily directed to the
cause: the construction of a food/waste/gas transfer station (placenta), the
assembly of the fetus, laying down of fuel stores, preparation and
implementation of the exit strategy, and the development of glands and ducts
for mammary take-out. If mom can’t get the nutrients, her own blood, bones,
organs, and muscles undergo redistribution to supply the fetus with what it
needs. Need calcium? Take my teeth. The good news is that like any successful
parasite, it rarely harms a healthy host enough that its own survival is
threatened.
Most of pregnancy’s symptoms/signs/annoyances stem from the
fact that though the code is perfectly orchestrated, there are unintended
consequences. For example, massive
amounts of progesterone are secreted by the placenta in order to keep the
smooth muscle of the uterus relaxed, thus preventing premature contraction and
miscarriage. Unfortunately, all the
smooth muscle in mom’s body has the same progesterone receptors, and responds
too. Smooth muscle in mom’s leg veins
relaxes causing blood to pool in the legs resulting in kankles and varicose
veins. Smooth muscle in mom’s gut
relaxes and food sits around, leading to heartburn, indigestion, nausea, and
constipation.
The following is a list of maternal changes in pregnancy - what
a woman can be expected to endure during her 280 days of pregnancy. Some women
say they never felt better than when pregnant, but most will have some
combination of the following.
If you’re a man,
consider carefully what it would mean for you to go through this, and decide
whether you’d make this sacrifice to have a child. Act accordingly.
(Note, the following is basic biology. If you missed it in Grade 12, here’s your
chance.)
·
Heart
workload increases by 40-50%, heart rate by 15% and cardiac output rises
from 4 to 7 L/a minute. Even when she’s
resting she’s jogging.
·
Unspeakable
fatigue. Early pregnancy hormones lead
to an exhausted stupor and the tendency to nod off in mid-sentence. As pregnancy develops, and the 25-35 lbs of
assorted tissues, fluids, and fetus accumulates, weariness is constant. Add the
rigors of normal life and getting up with other children in the night and you
get the idea. If you don’t, try
strapping 2 or 3 ten pound bags of flour to your abdomen for a full day and
night and see how perky you are.
·
Legs and
ankles swell (kankles) and painful varicose veins can develop. Smooth muscle in mom’s veins relax
causing blood and fluid to pool in the legs by gravity. Pooling can pop valves in leg veins leading
to ropy, painful varicose veins. All effects courtesy of progesterone. (Note:
the ‘glow of pregnancy’ is just blood
vessels in the face dilating. It doesn’t mean she’s radiating happiness. She’s just radiating.)
·
Breathing
rate increases by 40% while the pressure of the uterus against the lungs
and diaphragm can make for breathless nights. (Not that kind.)
·
Nausea
and vomiting or the circus trick known as The Reversible Gut. For some, there’s
minor gagging on the toothbrush or queeziness looking at meat. Others endure 9 months of incapacitating
wretching hell and the despair that goes with it.
·
Indigestion,
heartburn, constipation. Again, because
trusty progesterone relaxes smooth muscle and the gut is made of smooth muscle,
food sits and sits instead of being pooped out. As the growing uterus squishes
the stomach and intestines into a rapidly disappearing space, heartburn and
indigestion are a problem.
·
Hemorrhoids: Constipation and ‘straining at the stool’ pop
out blood vessels in the butt into little grapes. Nasty and painful.
·
An
overwhelming desire to eat and lay down fat (when not throwing up). This is
natural selection at it’s finest. In days past the ability to find food and
accumulate fat in a world where food was scarce ensured that the pregnant woman and
her child would survive. While the
average pregnant woman needs only 300 cal more/day, code is strongly suggesting
you eat like your life depends on it. While average weight gain is 25-35 pounds of
fetus, fluid, tissue, and blood, those hassling a pregnant woman about her weight
should probably expect a right hook and a compulsory viewing of Aliens.
·
Weird
changes in taste and smell leading to simultaneous revulsion and craving.
·
Breasts
grow ridiculously and may be painful as glands and ductwork develop,
indicating greater than ornamental value. Added features include stretch marks,
spreading areolas, dark nipples, and possible oozing. Which may or may not be a turn on.
·
No alcohol
and one cup of coffee/day for 9 months. Gents,
this alone might be a deal breaker, right?
·
Dizziness
and Fainting: When standing up
suddenly, dilated veins allow blood to pool rapidly in her legs and blood
pressure drops. While lying on her back,
the uterus compresses large blood vessels decreasing blood flow to and from the
heart and blood pressure drops. Maybe
stay seated?
·
A brain at
the mercy of hormones: As estrogen and progesterone make mincemeat of
cognitive skills (baby brain) and emotional range, mood may waver between
elation, rage, giddiness and despair. Neither logical or reasonable, these
emotions may garner little empathy from observers. Interestingly, I read a book
for pregnant women from the 1800’s that described hysteria and despair as an
expected aspect of pregnancy. Either
this aspect of pregnancy evolved out in the last 100 years or somebody forgot
to tell us this is ‘normal’.
·
Peeing All
the Time: Initially, because the kidney’s working overtime to process all
that extra blood. Eventually, because
Junior’s squishing her bladder. What little sleep she’s getting is interrupted
by trips to the can possibly several times a night. A good case for
catheterization and a leg bag.
·
Back pain:
As the uterus grows abdominal muscles get stretched, pulling her abdomen
forward, creating a sway back and causing pain from spinal shearing.
·
Waddle:
Changes in center of gravity, posture, and balance change the gait to a side to
side waddle. Foot size increases and
foot arch flattens.
·
Falling:
Pregnant women fall as much as women of 70+ years of age. Balance is so altered that caution is needed,
particularly during exercise.
·
Proneness
to Injury: Relaxin hormone softens and relaxes the symphysis pubis
ligaments for delivery but has the same effect on all ligaments and tendons making joints loose and prone to injury and
dislocation. Muscle strains and pulls
are more likely. I had a physiology prof whose hip kept dislocating during
lectures. Amusing. For us.
·
Risk of
clots and embolisms rise as more clotting factors are released to prevent the
uterus from hemorrhaging.
·
Risk of
diabetes: Pregnancy converts more fat to glucose (sugar) so Junior has all
she needs and more. However, blood sugar is useless without insulin present to
open the sugar gates into the waiting cells.
Extra blood sugar means more insulin is needed. If she doesn’t make enough, she gets to be
diabetic and shoot up insulin for the duration of her pregnancy. It usually
goes away after birth.
·
Vaginal
and urinary tract infections: Itching, pain, discharge result from changing
vaginal pH; courtesy of estrogen.
·
Stretch
marks: Hormones make the skin elastic and Junior stretches it out from
the inside as she grows. Lovely pinks
and purple streaks decorate breasts and abdomen.
·
Mask of
pregnancy: Dark blotches on the face and darkening of the genitals and
mid-abdominal line along with dark nipples/areolas. Evolutionarily, this was to
tell other members of the tribe that she was pregnant. Hopefully that won’t be necessary.
·
Hair
loss: Potentially like your dog in spring.
·
Being
scared: Scared of what pregnancy is
doing to her body and mind; scared of child birth, of breast feeding, of being
a good enough mom. That’s a lot of
scared.
·
Looking
and feeling obese. The big round
belly and swollen body of pregnancy can look coincidentally like obesity. So it’s easy to feel that way. Feeling and
looking nothing like her self, she may feel out of control and very alone in
this work. It’s easy for her to forget
that underneath all this hormonal havoc, she is still the person she was.
·
Fetal
Gymnastics: Having sacrificed her dignity and health, the sweet little
fetus she’s devoted 9 months to building, is kicking the crap out of her.
So, what do you want?
A medal?
Actually, yes. For
every woman on the planet that has endured pregnancy or even attempted to. In this day and age we use the word
self-sacrifice when referring to fire-fighters and NGO workers overseas. Yet the every-day sacrifices of pregnancy are
not acknowledged simply because pregnancy is natural.
While we don’t have an option on how we make the dear,
sweet babies we love, we can expect recognition and appreciation. One thing we can do is raise our sons to step
up. To cook, clean, launder, and do far
more than his share of work in return for his wife’s agreement to endure
pregnancy so that he might have a child with his name on it rather than the
manufacturer’s. We can lobby for
inclusion of pregnancy and childbirth education in school curricula so that
kids are prepared for the reality of what’s to come and the responsibilities
they’ll have. We can change the dynamic
of how we view pregnancy - not as a
super-mom competition where she who suffers is not as tough as she who doesn’t,
and where moms are advised to suck it up and not seek the support they need. We can encourage the use of doulas, midwives,
support groups and all other sources of strength and care to make pregnancy
easier. We can lobby employers and
government to allow husbands to use pat-leave hours to help their wives through
pregnancy, not just after the baby comes. We can use the model of European
countries and demand that pregnant women be allowed rest time during the work
day and be given modified tasks.
I watch my own kids traverse this ground. And it's only when I
watch them that I realize what hard work this is – a biological imperative that
no technology can expedite. They, like
all pregnant women sacrifice their bodies, minds, and health in the same way
women did a million years ago. I wish I
could make it better for them.